Tales from the Front Line: Coping with Sleep Deprivation
Published by the National Children's Trust September 2014
The ‘Week by Week’ baby book I read diligently in the weeks that followed the birth of my daughter talked a lot about my baby’s sleep – why she needed sleep, how to help her sleep, the exact sleep quota she required. But whilst, like a lot of babies, she preferred howling through the night instead, she coped marvellously on very little - she still grew and thrived. I, on the other hand, did not. By 6 months my book had stopped talking about sleep, I suppose because the author assumed she was now ‘sleeping through’ and would do so for the rest of her days. ‘LOL,’ I thought, weeping.
If you’ve experienced sleep deprivation before then you will be only too aware of how truly torturous it feels. Dr Revell at Surrey University explains: ‘Sleep restriction can affect your metabolism, gene expression, immune and stress responses, alertness and performance. In summary, your level of alertness and ability to perform cognitive and physical tasks will decline and your metabolism and appetite will increase.’ In other words, it’s brutal.
Dr Revell’s advice when dealing with sleep restriction is to be mindful of when your body will be at it’s sleepiest. She explains that this is driven by two factors: the ‘sleep homeostat’, which tells us that the need for sleep is accumulating; and the ‘circadian clock’, which regulates the periods of wakefulness and sleepiness during the day
This means you will feel at your sleepiest after lunch (roughly 1pm - 3pm) and about 2 hours before your normal wake-time (e.g. 3am – 5am). So, if you’ve been up all night it’s worth noting that this is the time when you will struggle the most and may need to plan for. Or, if you have help at hand, these are the hours you will benefit from the most.
But how to cope with the torturous effects? During one of the worst phases of my daughter’s night-time Olympics, I hit such a low I knew I needed to do something. So, I went to the source of wisdom I always do: other mums who’ve been there before. I asked them: ‘how do you maintain a decent level of happiness in your life whilst sleep deprived?’
I’d like to share with you what they said:
Accept that this is how it is right now but that this is a phase and it won’t last forever. It will improve and you WILL sleep again.
‘Once I accepted that she wasn't going to sleep through the night anytime soon, it got a lot easier. I went into a Marine’s mind-set and saw it as a phase I had to endure and started developing strategies to make my life easier and entered a temporary survival mode. I was still shattered but it stopped me from going insane.’ Poppy, Mum of 1
Prioritise sleep above all else. Cooking, housework, TV (possibly even social activities) should all come second.
‘I used to do a reverse lie-in and go to bed at 8pm, even if I was lying in bed awake I was still resting. I shut down anything else - no hobbies, no nights out. It sounds severe but it’s what I had to do to get through.’ Bling, Mum of 1
‘Make deals with your partner to provide respite, just 2 or 3 hours is a huge help. Sometimes my husband would get up at 5am with my son and let me asleep until 8.45am, at which point he had to leave for work or get fired.’ Jane, Mum of 2.
Get out in the fresh air and meet with friends. Talking to a sympathetic ear or someone going through the same thing is an absolute sanity-saver. My friends managed to make me laugh on days that I thought I would never laugh again.
‘Get out of the house, chat to others about what you are going through. You are not alone.’ Sally, Mum of 1.
Simplify your life. Acknowledge that your ability to make decisions, plan ahead and perform complex tasks will be impacted. Tell those around you so that they either help or stop expecting 100% from you.
‘I found it easier to be on automatic pilot. I had a weekly routine with playgroup in the morning, one short household task every afternoon (10 mins max), a fixed weekly menu with shopping lists, and carved out as many simple pleasures for myself as I could.’ Poppy, Mum of 1.
Finally, my favourite piece of advice was to remind yourself you are doing an amazing job, regularly!
‘I like to remind myself several times a night that I am awesome. We are managing to keep tiny clueless human beings alive under harder condition that those weakling Marines.’ Adele, Mum of 2.
On a more sombre note, please don’t ignore the very serious side to protracted or extreme sleep deprivation. If not addressed it can lead to mental health issues such as depression and psychosis so it’s important to speak up if you are struggling – to your friends, family, GP or HV. Just as important is to keep an eye on your friends and, perhaps, if you are one of the lucky ones getting some zzzz’s you could step in and help, I’m very certain it will be appreciated and repaid in spades.
At around 15 months I finally began getting a reliable night’s sleep but I couldn’t have made it intact without the support of my friends and the wise words of other mums, I hope they help you as much as they did me. I wish you all restful times ahead.
